I never really wanted children, not that I was against them, I just never thought about it and didn’t have much desire. But then, I finally had a baby and that one was enough. My husband already has an older son from his previous marriage and has said two is perfect, he can’t afford anymore and feels too old for more sleepless nights. And for the most part I agree, since the beginning I joked, “one and done”.
Living in NYC especially lends itself to a one child maximum, a two bedroom is somewhat affordable, a three bedroom is a tricky find and a four bedroom is a unicorn, plus it costs a fortune. And so I was very happy when we moved from our one bedroom to a two bedroom. Mommy and daddy were in one bedroom and baby boy was in the other. Easy peasy. We didn’t have the space for another child and I didn’t have enough sleep or emotional energy for another one. Plus, I often carried him in a carrier and zipping around on the subway with just one baby was super efficient.
But now, shock/horror (!), we’re living in the suburbs and we have four bedrooms! Yet each bedroom has a purpose- mommy and daddy’s room, baby’s room, office and older son/guest room. It all works well and fits into place like a puzzle. However, I’ve suddenly been thinking of having another and I’ve shocked myself.
Honestly, I’m not totally convinced I want another baby, but I know it’s now or never because of age, finances and other factors. I really love having just one, it’s easy on many levels and I’m certainly not excited to be pregnant again. Although I had a great pregnancy, it’s definitely not my idea of fun and I’d rather not go through it again. Despite all of this though, I feel like I might want another baby. It’s not baby fever though or emotional emptiness. It somehow feels practical.
But I’d really like our son to grow up with a sibling because I think it’s an extraordinary bond and an incredible gift. My sister and I are amazingly close and I can’t imagine my life without her. It also seems like an environmentally sound choice because we have all of the gear, so many toys, clothing and other stuff, to just sell it or donate it is a waste. And I spent a lot of time researching many items, to get just the right thing! But I also feel guilty that our son is getting spoiled; he’s the only grandchild and nephew and is already used to be the center of attention. I want him to be well-adjusted. And then I think about the end of our lives, which is a scary, thought, but with a sibling he wouldn’t feel so alone and sad, there would be someone else to share his feelings and future family with and I find that comforting.
Lastly, I’d also like to right my wrongs. There are so many challenges and silly things I had no idea about and now I know! The second time around will be an improvement and I like the idea that now I’d be a better mom because of my experience. So, we’ll see what happens, because first I have to convince myself and then maybe I can convince my husband….
Monique Marco is an Ashtanga-based vinyasa yoga teacher who loves urban life and etas dark chocolate every day. She’s also a certified make-up artist and image consultant specializing in natural skin-care, beauty and eco-fashion.
If you enjoyed this blog, be sure to subscribe to our email list to get more blogs like this straight to your inbox and receive a free printout of “Mom Mantras” that will inspire you throughout your day.