The truth is there is a touch of Sanctimommy in every mom. We all have opinions about parenthood and we have all judged someone else’s parenting based on those opinions at one time or another. However, parenting has a way of offering most of us a daily serving of humble pie that reminds us to keep our opinions to ourselves. But there will always be those special few that just don’t get it. Some are truly clueless about how judgy they are being, some honestly believe that their way is the only possible way to parent and some just revel in making themselves feel like they are better than the rest of us. Nevertheless, I guarantee that you know one of these Sanctimommies and if you don’t, it very well might be you.
- The First Time Mom. She’s the mom that has a been a mom to a blob of poop and spit-up for all of 3 months and she is already ranting about how this whole motherhood gig isn’t as hard as everyone makes it out to be. She goes on and on about being able to still cook, clean and manage her house with no problem at all and she just can’t seem to understand what all the complaining is for.
- The Know It All. This momma knows everything about all things and isn’t afraid to share her “allknowingness” with anyone that crosses her path. I mean how could you possibly not know that all plastic is filled with life-threatening BPA, electronic devices kill creativity and strict schedules are the only way to get babies to sleep through the night. In case you dare to admit that you are clueless about any part of parenting, don’t worry, because this momma will be sure to inform you, even if you didn’t ask.
- The Food Police. There is always that mom that gasps when someone pulls out packages of gummy fruit snacks or goldfish crackers. If it’s not organic, gluten free and locally grown, do not feed it to your child in front of her. She will “kindly” inform you of all the hazardous ingredients you are feeding your child that are sure to cause some type of developmental delay. Besides, how could you not have the time to make homemade fruit chews with hand-picked, local, seasonal fruit and organic grass-fed gelatin?!?!
- The Concerned “Friend.” She’s the momma “friend” that no matter what you say or do she has parenting advice about how you can say or do it better. She also feels the need to dole out advice when you are just ranting about having a bad day. Don’t get it twisted… This momma is not your friend. She just uses you to make herself feel better about her mommy skills. If you are this mom… please stop. It’s not helpful, it’s annoying.
- The “Perfect” One. She is dressed to the nines, her kids are perfectly behaved, she shows up at every school volunteer opportunity with delicious homebaked goodies and she makes sure everyone notices. She never fails to comment on the mom with the stained yoga pants at pick up or how she can’t believe so many moms donated prepackaged cupcakes for the bake sale. Don’t let the facade fool you. Everybody has some kind of mess, literally or figuratively, in some part of their life. Nobody has it that together all of the time.
- The Disciplinary. She knows the answers to all children’s behavioral problems. It doesn’t matter if your kid has autism or adhd or any other thing you could name. In her mind, it’s just a matter of the correct discipline technique. This is the mom that stares down her nose at you in Target because your child decided to throw a fit in the middle of the paper goods aisle. Of course, she is lucky enough to have that perfect angel child that gives her no problems at all and you just can’t wait for her to have another kid that will most likely be her worst nightmare and shut her up for forever.
- The Grandma. She finds all this “new-fangled” parenting stuff to be over the top and a waste of time. She refuses to believe that parenting could actually evolve over time. She meets all your parenting ideas with a huff and eye-roll. “In my day” seems to be her favorite way to start a conversation with you about your kids. I am so sorry if this is your mother-in-law or worse yet, your own mother.
- The One That Doesn’t Even Have Kids. Oh yes… you can be a sanctimommy before you even become a mom. As a matter of fact, most of us were probably this woman before we had kids. I know I was. The one that has opinions on everything about being a mom and has yet to be a mom… how to give birth, breastfeeding vs. formula, post-partum depression, when babies should sleep through the night and how there is never a reason to use the tv as a babysitter. She knows everything she will and won’t do with her children and everything that you are doing wrong with your’s. Don’t worry about her, motherhood has a funny way of shutting most of us up.
No one likes a sanctimommy because no one likes feeling judged. We moms judge ourselves enough all on our own and we don’t need anyone pointing out another thing to add to our list. At the end of the day, we are all trying our best, sometimes struggling and sometimes nailing it. Most of the time, a knowing smile and thumbs up could be the saving grace we need to get us through the day.
Elisha Beach is a stay-at-home mom to four kids and four step-kids…Yes, you read that right—eight kids. She is a wife, home cook, taxi driver, herder of children, terrible housekeeper and founder of The Mom Forum.
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