Yep I said it…Kids ruin everything! And you know it’s true. They are cute and all but they sure do get in the way of having nice things like a clean house, a food free car and some form of a sex life. I mean let’s just keep it real about all the things that kids ruin for you…
Your Body. Clearly pregnancy stretches your body to limits you never though was possible but I am not even referring to the baby weight that can come and go. I am talking about all the other lovely gifts that come along with pregnancy that no one likes to talk about…saggy skin, lopsided boobs, stretch marks, incontinence, hernias, hemorrhoids and other unmentionable things. If you have had a child, you probably have at least one thing from this list.
Your Love Life. Married or not, your life will suffer when kids arrive. Uninterrupted intimate conversations will be few and far between and Date nights will start to seem like more trouble than they are actually worth. And all that foreplay and romancing that happened pre-kids… romantic music, candles, taking it slow…Just pack it up right along with your white, size 6 pre-pregnancy jeans because you will be lucky to use it again anytime soon. That doesn’t mean it won’t be good, but it definitely won’t be what it use to be.
Your House. I have a lipstick stained couch, marker covered walls, hanging cabinet doors and missing stair balusters all thanks to my kids. My living room rugs smell like sun block and pee thanks to potty training and my toddler’s obsession with unscrewing every bottle he can find, and every inch of my living room is a place for toy storage. I have found pee in places I would never think to look and there is a smell in one of my boys’ closets that I have yet to identify.
Your Car. I use to be super proud of having a nice, clean car. But since kids, my car looks like a pig sty … No seriously it does. It is full of food scraps and fermented fruit from weeks of breakfast and afternoon snacks that have collected in all the cracks, corners and crevices of my car. And there is a perpetual smell thanks to the milk my 8-year-old spilled in the backseat and “forgot” to tell me about. That doesn’t even include the collection of clothes, toys or crumpled up homework that I find. There is even the occasional used diaper that gets forgotten in there. I know that’s disgusting but it happens. I try to keep it clean but it is just not the top thing on my to-do list.
Your Social Life. My kids didn’t ruin my social life… they decimated it. It is pretty much nonexistent at this point. I can’t completely blame them but they are the main culprits. There are just too many steps involved and just not enough pay off in the end. There is first finding the babysitter (p.s. I have 4 kids which makes this near impossible) and then I have to actually shower and possibly shave, put on makeup and find an outfit that fits which is no easy task because I am stuck somewhere between my post-pregnancy and pre-pregnancy size but refusing to buy any clothes to accommodate my fluctuating waist. I try to make an effort to get out but I usually just prefer to stay home with my little rugrats.
Did I miss anything? What have your kids ruined for you?
Elisha Beach is a stay-at-home mom to four kids and four step-kids…Yes, you read that right—eight kids. She is a wife, home cook, taxi driver, herder of children, terrible housekeeper and founder of The Mom Forum.
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