There really should be two distinct letters. Why? As with any child, there are differences in our relationships. We interact differently, and there are unique things to say to each one of you. However, I will write one letter starting with the oldest and commencing with the youngest.
Handsome and debonair. I remember almost everything. How you thought you were the man of all men! Your great intelligence, your friends (good and unsavory), your tempter, your desire to find yourself to have and give love and to be good. Most of all I felt your desire to floss, wow and impress.
I felt your pain when you were hurt, when you saw things that perplexed you and didn’t understand. I heard your heart cries and felt your rejection.
When you were in your teens and life was hazy, I loved you then. I just knew from experience that silence is often the best conversation.
I look at you now, a father and working man. I cannot be happier for you. Your experiences are shaping you into the man you are today. I just love how you care for your children. The family in you is very prevalent. It is a pleasure to see. As you continue down this road, you will see there is always room for improvement and I hope that you will see that changing is a lifelong process. The goal is to move those things out of our lives which hinder our growth and add those to aide it.
Keep growing my son, keep loving to the fullest. Recognize when you are wrong and quickly make amends. Life is short, but love lasts over many lifetimes.
My beloved lovely one.
For you too, I remember almost everything. The way you would hold my hand when you crossed the street. Your middle school dance, your first job (unpaid and paid) senior prom, the dress design and all the talks and laughs, joys and disappointments in between.
Your desire to be accepted and loved for who you were. Your dreams and goals, high’s and lows.
Those sex talks, yes, I’ll leave that right there. Teaching you how to do your laundry, making you clean your room and all those hair colors!
We have shared a great deal and for that I am grateful.
I see you now, living in the jungle of a city. Making a way for yourself and still, trying to define the you inside you. If you could see yourself through my eyes. You would see a caring, sensitive, creative and beautiful young woman, who desires more than she will confess. You have carved a niche out of this life, but the story is still being written. You are still young, and the world truly is your oyster. Never say never and never give up.
Know I am here and always will be.
I end this letter, but never my love, saying that our road has been unconventional, eclectic and filled with imperfections. Nevertheless, we are now older, wiser and still growing, and I thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to grow in ways that have marked me forever. Realizing I don’t have all the answers. Learning to leave yesterday in yesterday and making today fresh and new. Thank you for allowing me into your heart and world. Thank you for preparing me to be a better mother, a calmer mother, a more informed mother, a better woman. You are indelibly mine, not through a blood line, but through the strongest line of all, my heart.
Candace Beach has been married to Ralph Beach for 15 years and they have a blended family that consists of 2 boys, Ralph Jr. (34) and Carlisle (14), as well as 2 girls named Barbara-Ann (26) and Candyce (13), YIKES! She sees motherhood as ever changing, like the gift that keeps on giving, Sometimes heartache and other times great joy!
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