Outlining the 105 ways in which going through divorce hurts or damages one’s self confidence is easy. If you’ve gone through the experience, it’s easy to stay in that self-critical place where you are blame yourself for everything under the sun. I do it all the time.
So today, together, let’s start a different thread of thought. Let’s reframe the situation. Today, we will outline the 3 ways in which you, as a divorced parent, may actually be doing the very best for your kids:
1. You teach your kids it’s not selfish to stand up for what you need or believe. When a relationship is not working, trying to “tough it out” for the kids is noble, but it often backfires. Putting your safety and well being is not a selfish choice.
2. You show your kids even you can make a mistake. We are human. All of us. And yes, you thought and wanted your fairytale to happen, or if it did – to last forever, at all costs. But when you realize it’s not working, no matter how much you push it – you may need to swallow defeat and say – I need to course correct. It does not make us stupid or wrong, it is just a part of life.
3. You can show your kids true happiness. The whole concept of “you complete me,” and all the songs written about it is wrong. It’s misleading and while it works for Hollywood movies, it doesn’t work even for Hollywood actors! Let’s address the reality: if you are not happy, no one an ever make you happy. Self-love/care/respect are all big factors. If we teach our kids to be whole and not just 1/2 of someone else, they will know they do not need to compromise who they are in order to find the right person.
Now it’s your turn. What are some amazing things that your kids have learned because you are divorced?